In Bad Hersfeld

I am staying at this place which is much more than a hotel! I presume the staff's objective was to upgrade me to something akin to a meditation retreat. No pesky distractions that might annoy a yogic mind are available here: 

• The TV is an exercise in minimalism. There is but one sacred knob, which simultaneously controls both the volume and the channel. This means I can watch German-dubbed action films at either whisper or air raid siren levels. Naturally, I have chosen silence and meditaiton instead.

• The culinary experience is truly avant-garde. No attached restaurant. No room service. The only takeout menu is in fluent German, which I am not fluent in. It’s as if they simply removed all temptations, so I am fasting a lot as befits a yogi.

• Temperature control is a test of the soul. My options: Keep the window shut and bask in the warmth of my own regret, or open it and enjoy the dulcet tones of Autobahn lullabies all night. This is a necessary test of your inner yogi.

• The free breakfast is free of anything I can eat. They have all-you-can-eat sausage, bacon and ham which means all a vegan can eat is bread, which I cannot, because the bread is baked with sesame seeds, and I'm allergic to them. Free breakfast comes with free coffee, orange juice or beer but none of the only breakfast liquid I drink: tea. I was offered a bag of chamomile instead of black tea, which was sure to augment my jet lag and help me sleep all night and day and through the conference I am here for. So, I declined and practiced some more austerity.

• The Free Wi-Fi is an advanced lesson in impermanence. The only reason I even booked this place is because they advertised free wi-fi. A girl can live without food, water, bed, bath, and sanitation, but she must have her Wi-Fi. It turns out they don't really understand what they advertised. When I asked for it, I was pointed to a router with an illegible password scribbled on it, and gently reminded that it was for only one (1) of the many devices I was toting. I heard the hotelier think ' She wants tea AND wi-fi on a phone AND a laptop? Spoilt American!'. I quickly divested myself of all equipment, and assumed the lotus pose.

It's not all bad here in Bad Hersfeld. I still get to experience the marvels of German engineering—riding in banked elevators that defy logic, sitting on ICE trains that update my seat occupancy like magic, and marveling at ketchup dispensers that sense my condiment needs before I do. There is also a certain willkommen in the air, from the Apotheker that bent down and plastered my toes with first-aid, to the hotelier that offered to iron my clothes for me.

Most of all I love the very friendly, very nerdy people I am conferencing with, and their interesting asides in Latvian, Polish, Spanish, and French. I just made a few more friends I don't understand.

All is good in Bad Hersfeld.